After Kochi, I headed south to the Backwaters. This is an extensive network of brackish lagoons, lakes and canals that lie parallel to the Arabian Sea coast. The original purpose of this waterway system was for transportation of goods and people between villages. As well as the irrigation of vast swathes of paddy fields.
About a decade ago, the locals hit on the idea of attracting tourists to this serene and unique ecosystem, as a promising additional source of revenues.
To transport their rice harvests and other goods, they traditionally constructed what they call ‘kettuvallams’, large barges. They tie backwood planks together with coir rope to make these 40-50 meter barges, and then coat them with black resin made from boiled cashew nut shells (another fine example of recycling, India style)
I got to the peer after a 90 minutes drive from Kochi. There I found one of these large crafts, converted into a simple and rustic, furnished houseboats, with one or two en suite bedrooms, an open lounge, a dining room area, a kitchenette, and a crew comprising a skipper, a cook and a deckhand. The entire upper structure is covered with a distinct thatched roof made of coconut leaves. Each room has AC and a shower and a comfortable double bed. As it was on my own, I had the whole barge to myself, with 3 people to attend to my needs for the next day and a half. Nice, but pretty damn lonely.
I boarded late morning, and we briefly sailed through the backwaters until we stopped for lunch. Following lunch, we sailed on until around 4pm, when the skipper found a delightful spot to moor up to watch sunset and then have dinner. As lights on the deck at night attract insects, they usually serve dinner early, to reduce exposure to mosquitoes. The food was delicious local Kerala dishes, and plentiful.
Next morning, I was up at 7 and was served an impressive breakfast. Coconut with eggs Benedict, curried up with vegetables. And much fruits.
I then loafed around and red on the covered deck, as we set off for a lazy journey along more canals and lagoons. At times, the barge traffic became heavier.
It was Sunday. Suddenly I started hearing these bangs on the tree lined shore, causing big puffs of smoke and making a startling loud and sudden noise. The cook gave me a totally incomprehensible explanation of what it was all about, with a wonderful smile. Then the skipper mentioned something about a weekend religious ritual. Never go to the bottom of it.
Mid morning the skipper, who sits behind a large wheel on the front of the barge, turned around and asked if I liked, you know …, as he intimates with his hand caressing his arm ? I initially thought, with horror, he might be trying to hook me up with some feminine company. Not a bit. When I finally understood that he was referring to a massage, I said yes, and the assistant immediately came up from behind with a plastic handout displaying all types of massages, with accompanying prices. So around 4pm, we arrived at a massage parlour, which looks completely incongruous in such beautiful surroundings. In I go and select a General Massage, with a delicate-looking hostess.
I go down some steps, then along a rickety corridor where a young masseur is waiting. He invites me in a spartan cubicle. In it is an elevated wooden table, covered with a nailed and slippery white plastic covering.
I am then required, in no uncertain terms, to strip naked (bye-bye modesty). Then I am invited to sit on a plastic stool, with my back turned. He pours this oil on my hair and off we go for a vigorous finger massage, coupled with a few invigorating smacks on the head, and to hell with any concerns about hair appearance.
Then I heave myself onto the oily table, have still more oil poured over me, and off we go again. A 45 minutes shaking and moving massage, as I have never had before. The guy’s hands were callous, so maybe a rice paddy farmer earning some extra money. Vigorous, energetic, pulling fingers and foot toes as if they were on snap-back elastic bands.
Finally he tells me to relax, covers my privates with a towel, to reinstate some semblance of modestie, and informs me I will now have a face massage. I close my eyes, thinking the worst is over and a masseuse will probably arrive for the facial. Five minutes later, my eyes still closed, I feel delicate fingers taping perfumed oil around my face, thinking this should be nice. Then suddenly my face is vigorously contorted clockwise, then anti-clockwise, by the same callous hands, just as if I was in a washing machine. It goes on and on. By the time it’s over, I cautiously try to stand up without slipping on the concrete floor, and take a glance at myself in the mirror. I look like an angry orang outan, with a red face and hair standing on end. But we are not done yet. Time now to wash the carcass with a bucket and a scoop. Vigorous soaping of hair and body and water first poured nicely on the head, then splashed front and back and finished with what was left in the bucket !
I try to recompose my moustache and hair, as best I can, dry up with a non absorbant cloth, get dressed and, under the amused gaze of the crew, pay up and climb back aboard. Feeling completely deflated.
We sail off and moor shortly after for the night.
Then dinner. The food served is so plentiful that I finally realise that, in fact, it is also meant for the crew who wait for the guests to fill their stomach before going at it themselves. Apart from making me feel slightly queasy, as I now feel I need to press on so they can eat, it also explains their paunch, if this is what they get daily. Except the cook, who seems to know better.
Next morning, we set off early, to regain the departing peer. The traffic on the canals is heavy, as dozens of these enormous barges are all heading back in the same direction. This decade old tourist business has become such an attractive source of revenue, there are now too many of these converted crafts on the water. We even had a traffic jam at one canal intersection. The bloom for this type of sailing is definitely coming off, although the entire area is truly very scenic.