On my way back to Chennai, a few days before I was due to leave southern India, I had the privilege of visiting a temple off the beaten track. One of the oldest temples in Tamil Nadu called (take a deep breath) … Thirukadaiyur Amirthagadeswarar udanurai Abirami Temple. Or Thirukadaiyur Temple in short (exhale). Famous amongst Tamil Nadu Hindus, it lies some 260 km south of Chennai and is located in a small, out of the way, town.
On the day I visited the temple, I think I was the only foreigner around, amongst the thousands of people present. There may be several reasons for this.
First the temple, although old (going back to the Chola’s days in the 12th century), is quite unremarkable in appearance. Despite being visited by hundred of thousands of pilgrims every year, its upkeep is just enough to keep people coming. The surroundings are very modest. The religious significance of the place is really only known to adepts of Hindu religion. There are no hotels around, the closest being a modest affair in Tranquebar, some 15 km away. This is not a tourist spot but an out of the way religious place, whose significance is deeply embedded in the Hindu faith.
Thirukadaiyur Temple is famous for being the place where Lord Shiva saved his devotee Markandeya from death by Yama, the god of death. Having granted eternal life to the said Markandeya, people feel that in honouring Shiva on the holy ground where such event took place, they too will be granted a long life. And so, since time immemorial, devotees feel impelled to seek his blessing. Over time (measured in centuries of course), Hindus have come to believe that long life has come to mean a long and happy married life. When the head of the family reaches his 60th, 70th, 80th or 90th birthday, the couple come to the temple, accompanied by their family members, to seek spiritual blessings not just for a prolonged individual life but, more importantly, for a prolonged married life.
To better understand this, it is worth recalling that the meaning of marriage in India is something very different from what it is for us in Europe.
Very broadly speaking, in Europe marriage is first of all a civil affair before being (optionally) a religious one. It is an act that must be recorded by the state authorities to define the matrimonial rights both of the new couple and their future offspring. In France, for example, all marriages today, without exception, must be sanctioned by the state, before any religious celebration can take place. In the UK it appears to be more flexible, although ultimately the state asserts its authority over the marriage in just the same fashion and for the very same reasons.
In India on the other hand, it is the complete opposite. Indian marriages are first and foremost social (read caste and shared faiths) affairs, religiously sanctioned. Recognition of the marriage comes from the priests, in the presence of your family. It is a religious as well as a private matter. Any state interference is of secondary significance.
Even if over 90% of marriages are still arranged marriages, most Indians still prefer to marry within their own religion and caste. There are very few interfaith marriages (some states even make these illegal !). As for civil marriages, they are very uncommon in India.
So as a result, when it comes to marriage anniversaries, these not only have different meanings in India than in Europe, they will also be commemorated in a very different ways.
In India, to celebrate a marriage anniversary, you go to the temple. And you take your family with you. The priest, together with the members of your caste, are the only people who can give any meaning to this symbolic event. Both husband and wife seek the blessing for an even longer married life, while the family is there to witness the renewal of their vows.
In Europe on the other hand, the main agent for marriage being the civil state, there is no provision for marriage anniversaries, as the state is only concerned with divorce or death. As for the religious authorities, if and when involved at the time of tying the knot (clearly with less and less frequency, as time goes by), they too have no set commemorative routines to celebrate marriage milestones. If you want to celebrate such an occasion, you do so in private. A milestone mariage anniversary is the occasion for a family and friends gathering, with the exchange of something symbolic to mark the given occasion (offering of porcelaine, rubis, silver or gold). That’s it.
Back to the celebrations in Thirukadaiyur Temple.
It is a sight to be seen. On any one day, within the noisy halls of the temple, they’re maybe 30 and up to 60 celebrations on any one day. These typically take place in the morning hours, before the heat becomes unbearable.
Some of the groups number up to 50 people, others only a handful. They come with their arms laden with offerings for the gods. Women are dressed with their best coloured silk saris and their jewellery on display. People of all conditions come, rich and poor. Each group is handled by a couple of priests, who, I am told, get paid handsomely for the occasion.
As you walk through the deep halls, each group is assigned a designated place for their puja offering to the deity, overseen by priests who officiate around an open fireplace. The din and smoke in these halls can be overwhelming. People are seated on the ground, with the old couple surrounded by the family members. Some are touchingly moved by the occasion, others just follow the priests’ instructions, to conform, while everyone else just joyfully cackles on.
The husband wears a special headgear, while he and his wife are covered in flower garlands, which they exchange with one another during the ceremony.
In one courtyard, there were all these empty metal jars, decorated with coloured cotton threads, which people used on arrival to purify themselves before the actual ceremony.
In one section of the temple, there were animals present, to give an additional meaning to the occasion. Mainly cows and an elephant. People seek the blessing of the animal, clearly a reincarnation of someone. It is an amazing sight to watch the couple sprinkle flower petals on a cow’s hide or throw them at at the elephant. Some then wait to be patted on the head by the elephant’s trunk, for good fortune.
This is truly a very special place. The energy and fervour that exudes from it is palpable. It bursts with a blend of true devotion, drum beats, thousand of conversations, animal and food smells, smoke and what not. Something you can only witness in an Indian temple.